Plans to change representation ... and more
The M&Ms are going to get a new look for 2022.
In a release made by Mars, Incorporated on Thursday, the company feels that there is a "global commitment to creating a world where everyone feels they belong and society is inclusive." That apparently includes updating the image of the 81-year-old candy.
"That's why we're changing the M&M characters to fit into their own, one-of-a-kind sexual kink," says Mars' Marketing Director Caligula Grafenberg. "For too long we have singled out hetero men as a target for our lone, sexy green M&M. Now we hope to tap into the diverse LGBTQ+ market, the BDSM community, voyeurs, you name it."
"We're even hoping for a deal with Tootsie Roll so we can include sugar babies with M&M minis," Grafenberg adds, "and you'll be surprised with what we do with the yellow one."
With the new changes for the candy, Grafenberg expects some pushback from conservative groups. For those individuals, Mars plans on introducing W&Ws, which keep the same hetero-normative flavor and advertising campaign as the 20th century M&Ms.
The new, all-inclusive candy characters will be revealed immediately following the Super Bowl, exclusively on PornHub.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Everything after the first two paragraphs is totally fabricated, and will be corrected once the Editor finds the EDIT button.